New book, old story.

I miss back to school shopping. It seems silly now that I’m not in school and it’ll be at least 5 years before DD is ready. I think I miss it because money was always tight and that was the one time of year that I got brand new things. Things I could use that weren’t just clothes or games that you play once and then shelve for the rest of the year.

Spiral bound notebooks have always been a particular favourite. I don’t really know why…. Probably because they were easiest to keep on my lap when I sat by my locker and wrote in the hall. Binders were always flimsy that way.

I picked one up the other day. A five star, 360 pages (the more the better), 9.5″ x 6″. It has pocket dividers too but I’ll probably cut those out.

I already have 11 pages filled. I realize I’m jinxing myself by saying it, but I’m reworking an old story that I’d left to simmer. Same characters and basic journey, different circumstances. I’m already hitting snags with some of the changes but I’m trying to push through.

There will never be time like there was before DD was born. And there will be even less when I have to go back to work.

Unlike going back to school, I’m dreading my return to work. I like the people and the job. It’s the 2hr one way commute and not being able to stay with or see my little girl for 12hrs that bothers me! I honestly don’t know how stay-at-home-moms do it. I envy them.

Fresh start

I did it. I threw out everything except for one story (well, the hard copies anyways). My closet of binders and folders and mismatched papers, maps, sketches is officially tossed.

It needed to be done. And in truth it feels like a weight has been lifted. There is no guilt over the purge either. Those stories were going nowhere and if they are worthy ideas I will remember them for another time.

Of course without the clutter my brain is now suddenly stirring with new ideas but I’m not committing to anything.1) because I don’t have time. 2) because I don’t want to stick to any single project yet.

Instead, I am focussing on making this (long) weekend a decluttering/reorganization of everything in my house.

Already there are a good dozen bags and boxes of clothes to donate. I’ve sifted through my jewelry. And sorted out a kitchen  cupboard for the baby’s cups and bowls. (I can hardly believe she’s on mushy solids already!)

I have started sifting through one harddrive. And I’ve decided to let go a great many books too. Real books that for some reason I have held on to from my university years. (The shelves of which are to be replaced by DD’s growing hoard of toys.)

All in all it feels great!

Another fork in my road.

I’m just not going about this the right way. I hardly have time to keep the dishes from piling up, the laundry washed and folded, the cat litter cleaned… and as my chunky monkey gets closer to crawling I’m becoming more paranoid of cleaning things I’ve never cleaned before or didn’t even know had to be cleaned. (It’s amazing what you see when you get down to a 3.5mo’s level.)

I’m also finding myself drawn into the realm of cloth diapers as an obsession. After repeated blow outs and seemingly perpetual diaper rash I decided to make the switch. It’s amazing to be able to pick out different colors and patterns instead of just the same plain diapers. A little extra laundry in lieu of filling a landfill, not to mention the savings in $$ are also major factors.

So once again I’m pressing the hold button on the novels. :s To be honest I wonder if I’ll ever have the time and brain power to produce much more than a riddled manuscript but I’m also not terribly upset (since I’ll be putting my DD first).

Recently I read a (subscribed) letter from Holly Lisle regarding this very issue; if your heart isn’t in it, don’t do it. I can finally come to terms with this reality. Besides all the “good ideas” I’ve held onto in endless binders and journals are just clustering my closet and my mind. If it truly is a “great idea” I will remember it. So at some point when I do have time (preferably not at 2am which at the moment feels like my only me time) I will declutter.
(And that may or may not include this blog since I can’t seem to maintain a semblance of regularity.)

At the same time, the clogs ever-turning in the back of my mind are working on a concept of children’s stories… something I can share with DD or my nephews in the future. Hmmm…

1233 first battle

Things are quickly turning upside down for H. Now that she’s on her own, stuck in a lie, she’s subject to all the dangers of that position. She feels completely alone, which isn’t far off. But HP is beginning to show signs of compassion even though they appear to be motivated by self-interest. Once again it’s playing out like another story I’ve read but it’s a cliché that can’t be helped at the moment; it’s a damsel in distress battle scene. From here it should move on to new ground though. I have a vague outline and a rough idea of certain events I want to take place so I’m hoping this prep work works in my favor and doesn’t fizzle out.

Stayed up way too late writing again though. It was a good solid session but I need to find some balance between timed writing and getting a decent amount of sleep! Love my baby girl but man am I going to be a wreck tomorrow (today)!

1400 words

Finished the first scene – although I definitely should not have stayed up this late (it’s past 3am now). I feel pretty satisfied with it. H has the beginning hints of  a backbone despite her predicament, while HP shows concern and curiosity. There is a bit of both points of view. I felt they both needed to give a little insight. It does lead a bit like another story I’ve read but there are some crucial differences, one being that H does NOT want to be in the situation she is in. Secondly, the real princess is MIA which leaves me with plenty of room to decide whether she intentionally meant to disappear or was held back by other forces.

The tone is a bit mix of formal and informal. For some reason it reminds me of the Taming of the Shrew dialogue, where the snippets of bite are hidden in the bark. H and HP are testing one another. Or at least H is testing HP and is feeling (in her own words) “like a wall a few stones short.”

That’s it for now. I think tomorrow I’ll be taking a bit of a rest to catch up on sleep. It’s not easy with a 2 month old!

Birth of an opening scene.

After some fussy days, and a weekend in Syracuse, NY, to shop/relax and celebrate Father’s Day, I finally got a chance to put some words down on the pauper.

So far its still a semi flashback scene, more telling than showing, bit some cultural aspects are beginning to develop on both societies.

H is my main female lead (the pauper). Followed by A, her mistress. Then there are the giant men who have come to conquer… It’s a bit cliche but I’m feeling out their personalities and circumstances as I go.

I think I got 500 words. Not bad. Hopefully I get another repeat writing break tomorrow.

I’m also reading more. I’m embracing the kindle app on my phone. Although I still prefer the intimacy of a good physical book in my hands, I’m being more tempted by the ebook evolution.

Hmmm

Not sure how I’m going to do this. Baby Girl doesn’t really have a set schedule during the day. And when she does nap its usually on me in the snugly or in the stroller… times vary.

I’ve never been good at timed writing but I guess I’m going to have to learn. I figure between putting her down and all the running around to keep the soother in her mouth, I’ve got about 30 min if I’m lucky. And that’s on days when I don’t have other things to do.

Something new

I started toying with an idea for another fantasy romance. Something about two women switching places, kinda like prince and pauper. I had a whole outline worked out start to finish. It’s not very strong but with a baby I’m not sure it will matter. Who knows how much time I’ll get to work on it. I just felt the urge to write something. Anything.

So I started the first few lines in a backflash from the moment the switch is irreversible – a wedding.

I’m back!

Time really does fly. Although I’m still nowhere near ready to start writing fiction again I am going to try to post. Writing is writing.

So… I’m a new mom. My darling daughter was born just before midnight April 8th via C-section. Recovery was actually a lot less painful than a previous less invasive surgery I had several years ago. Adjusting to the sleepless nights, feeding, and diaper changing however is a different story. Lol.

DD is almost 2 months now and she is wonderful. Asside some issues with bad reflux she’s very well behaved and extremely observant. She still feeds at least 2-3 times at night but the stretches are getting longer and I’m hoping to get her sleeping in her crib in her own room by 3 months. Meantime she’s either in the bassinet beside my bed or in bed with me. DH no longer sleeps with us; he’s banished himself to the couch until we get a mattress that doesn’t hurt his back and while he works night shifts to avoid disturbing us.

Her delivery was simple. In fact almost painless. Due to a low lying placenta I was scheduled to have a c-section 2 days before her due date (the 15th). But at 3pm on the 8th I felt the tiniest ache in my belly. It was off and on, never quite going away. It was such a mild discomfort that I waited 3 hrs expecting it to go away. By then it was every 15 min and DH convinced me to call the hospital. (Apparently painless labor runs in my family!) They told me to come in to get checked out. I got there at 7pm and by 9pm the contractions were about a minute
apart. You wouldn’t have known I was in labor without seeing the monitor… I was lying down calmly, talking, relaxed. Other women around me were groaning and yelling. Of course my water never broke so maybe it would have been worse if it got that far.

The nurse told us we’d definitely deliver that night. Not even 5min later she got a page for my 15min prep and off I walked into the OR.

And that’s where the hour long circus began.

While waiting for the anesthesiologist and doctor, I sat up chatting and joking with the nurses. The drug man came but since the Dr wasn’t there yet he left to give another woman an epidural. The Dr arrived but since the drug man was gone he left to deliver someone else’s baby. Drug man came back and left again. They both ended up delivering a second baby… an hour later and I’m making bets with the nurses whether my DD will be born before or after midnight. It’s 11pm… poor DH has been waiting by himself in the scrub-in room. My mom and mil are in the visitor waiting room.
Finally everyone is back and I get my spinal (felt the same as the freezing you get at the dentist except from my stomach down). At 11:41pm my baby girl was born. 8lbs 5oz and 19.75″ long (big girl). Red/strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes exactly like the woman she’s named after.

Of the 30lbs I’d gained through pregnancy, 20 came off in the first two weeks. I was never big to begin with so I look flat already. Breastfeeding helped too.

I’m only now starting to read to her at bedtime. Timing a regular nighttime routine is still a work in progress but it’s great to relive my childhood stories. I read with different voices the way my parents read to me. I want to instill a love for words in her. So while I haven’t found time or spare mental energy to write I can still enjoy the written word.

Why the long break

Hmm really dropped the ball on keeping up with at least semi-regular posts for the last month but that’s mainly because looking at the screen is somewhat inducive to nausea right now. A lot of things are, actually. Because morning sickness sucks. But after trying for 3 years and seemingly endless tests and ultrasounds that come up with nothing but healthy results (which is good but frustrating)… I’m finally pregnant.

It’s a very happy event, and well-timed now that DH is back to work and we’re both earning an income. I love my bump. I just wish it would let me keep what I eat. The first few weeks have been especially trying. I’m told the morning sickness should be over soon though - I’m already at 10 weeks.

I won’t know the sex for a few more weeks and only if the baby cooperates at that. We want to know just to make it easier when buying certain decor and supplies – like clothes. I’ve thankfully had several offers for handmedowns in either case. DH would like a girl. I just want a healthy baby.

It was funny when I told my parents. My mom was driving the car with my little sis and we were coming up to a red light when my mom asked me what I’d like for my anniversary. “Well,” I said pausing to think, “I’ve decided to clone myself.” Mom gave me a funny look but thinks I’m kidding around maybe because I’ve been stressed from work lately. “But it won’t be an exact duplicate,” I continue, “it’ll only have about half my DNA and the prototype should be ready about mid April.” Pause, watching and waiting patiently for her to figure it out.

“April?” she repeats then realization dawns on her and she starts yelling excitedly. “Oh! OH!” Meanwhile little sis doesn’t get it so mom has to explain “SHE’S PREGNANT!” quickly followed by laughing and cursing me for sitting in the backseat and telling her in the car where she can’t hug me right away. lol.

I said the same thing to my dad later when we met him at home. There was no hesitation or pause. He knew from the work “clone” and told me congratulations.

DH’s mother found out the next day when we came for a visit and DH asked what she wanted for her upcoming birthday… “how about the news that you’re going to be a grandma?” She starts crying (happy tears) and bypasses him to give me a hug. Poor Granny is sitting there the whole time and can’t hear a thing. “What? What’s going on? Why are you crying?” She’s already a great grandma but at least this great-grandchild she’ll get to see. Well, if she listens to her doctor and is still around – recently she burst a blood vessel in her arm trying to pick up the dogs. She’s 88 and maybe the same in pounds yet still insists on doing things even I wouldn’t do. You can’t really blame her for wanting to keep her independence though. But that’s another story.

Speaking of which, since becoming preggers has moved my focus I haven’t had time or energy to work on any of the drafts or SL’s edit. I’m hoping once I’m in the 4-6 month stretch (when the nausea is gone) I’ll be able to get back to SL at least but we’ll see. There’s a lot of changes going on: finding a bigger place, moving, planning/setting up a nursery, taking care of myself and the wee one, etc. Then there are issues at work, finding energy to cook and clean (when I can stomach it)… Writing is on the backburner for now.

So if I am inexplicably absent for a prolonged period yet again, know that it’s because the bump in my belly is demanding attention.